#signedtoyoungmoney

^^^That, my dear friends is a hash tag. Those of us who are Twitter savvy know that that hashtag plus those words = a Trending Topic. Bear with me, while I break it down for these Twitter-less losers. That TT {keep up} came about earlier this week after news that Bow Wow, or Niatia Kirkland if you wanna get all technical and shit, was signed to Young Money/Cash Money, drug money, bail money, diaper money, the list goes the fuck on forever...

Good God, that news hit Twitter faster than your local dope boy hits the corner when the 1st of the month makes its debut{Re-up game proper}. You couldn't escape that shit... And it broke my heart. JungMulah is already full to the brim with irrelevant ass rappers. {What the fuck is a Mack Maine?!?!} But at least they're talented. Nicki Minaj has a great mixtape out that everybody should go cop {Cuz an album is not going to happen, no matter how mixed you are Onika Maraj} Being irrelevant AND untalented is a crime against humanity for which all offenders should be stoned. {Thats half of the music industry gone right there..} So for BOW WOW {Yeah,this nigga} to be signed to YM with no actual talent to speak of and his last hit being Marco Polo -_- its hard to understand why Sweet merciful Jesus would allow such a move. Heavy in these Twitter streets, Bow Weezy let us know that he's been affiliated with Ass Cash and Gas Money for years now and that his move was bound to happen. And maybe we should be celebrating because he actually has a dick-dealer mentor again. Or maybe we should be sad because he's about to start making music again. He's already 2 steps ahead of his game already and has made a new song on his Macbook about a certain "Smile With Your Eyes" Model/"Actress"/Talk show host {Not Wendy, that other tall, wig-wearin heffa}
{Peep his stee-lo} <=== Exhibit A! This is how I know his career is on a treadmill, goin nowhere fast. He dedicates a song to Tyra "Lightbulb-head game proper" Banks... Clearly he has no standards. Cash money instead of Young Money??? Tyra Banks?? That mis-guided youth is on a slippery slope and him joining YM won't nothing but a shove downhill...

And speakin of shoving stuff, Chris Stokes most succesful unwilling concubine, Omarion was recently "released" from his contract at YM. I have a couple of concerns about this latest piece of who the fuck cares:

1. Raise your hand if you knew this nigga was signed to Young Money in the first place... Yeah, I thought so. Last we heard he was still singing about how them B2K boys had broke-de-ded his heart and he would never be able to love anyone else{Ice Box game precise}. And that Face Off shit he did with Bow Wow don't count. That CD prolly didn't even sell enough to go Plastic.
   
2. It was just announced A WEEK ago that O was even affiliated with YM, and he asked to be released got pushed gets dropped that fast?? Its virtually IMPOSSIBLE to be released from a binding contract that fast. Its niggas still tryna get released from some life-sentence style contract {Every artist that signed to Bad Boy in the 90's and up until now, how you dewwin??} That sound like some messy shit to me...
   
3. Word on the block is that the cause for his removal was that he was caught leaking an upcoming song. I call BULLSHIT. Thats not even a lead in to something else, I just call BULLSHIT. What a terrible fuckin excuse.
   
4. How kan I fall or get dropped when lam "gravity"...and jah is by my side being tha force that's driving and parachuting my arriving plateau 6:59 AM Aug 20th from UberTwitter Blatant misspelling is one of my many pet peeves. But anyhoo, I just want to direct your attention to the portion of the Twitter update when he refers to himself as "gravity" BOY STOP! This was his first response to what must have been a high demand for answers. THIS was his first response. Of all the things he could have said to smooth the situation over, he turned off his spell-check and turns on his "They gon quote this shit" swagg. Nigga please. The attempt at being profound is a fail that shakes me to my core. GTFOH Omarion, please. If you're prone to saying shit like this all the time then I see why they drop-kicked your ass out the club-house...

I don't know what the fuck is goin on over on that side of town but Hey Mr. Carter you and your associates need to get that shit tight. You droppin these niggas like hot potatos, and pickin the rotton apples and tryna sell em to us is not going to work. Wayne at this point in your life/career you need to be making smarter decisions. What with your incoming litter, you need to be hangin with muh'fuckas that might be willing to change a few diapers and warm up that similac when its feeding time. Omarion seems like the kind of girl who'd be willing to play Super Nanny. Bow Wow is a dramatic cunt with a short temper{pun intended}. You might as well leave your kids with Kanye West. I hope YM actually makes something of all this new-found lime-light. If they fade back into obscurity in a couple weeks Imma be mad that I even wasted a post on this shit....

these niggas look like a bunch of orpahns searching for a home.

Poor Lil Tink Tink Chapter II: Take over, your break's over....

Did you guys get the Fallout Boy reference?? If so then you can obviously you can see where I'm going with this..


Please excuse the distraught tone you hear in this entry yall, I still haven't completely recovered from the series of unfortunate events known as Wheel Chair Drizzy's summer 09, which is why I didn't do a post about his biggest fail whale until now :(

I come here to cope with the happenings, both good and bad, that my favorite celebrities go through. This is my pop culture therapy so to speak, so here I find myself again, typing my sadness away while consuming my 3rd pack of ho-ho's {Downright shameful}


Now go back with me, to earlier this summer when Drake performed at the.... B.E .. That award show. As you recall, he performed on a stool{??} and no one could figure out why?? We thought he might have been getting ahead of himself as an artist. The buzz was going to his head. Was he too cool to shuck and jive like his counter-part, Weezy "Sperm game proper" F. Baby?? Nah, that couldn't be it. After the Hoodrat Happenings that occured on June 28 it was revealed that Knee break Drake had torn his ACL and could barely walk. Ahhhh okay, that explained everything. {Except that constant Droopey Dog expression on his face} So we fell back and awaited his return. It came to light that his first official video for "Best I Ever Had" was soon to see the airwaves and we couldn't wait! Especially after we heard that Kanye "Sugar Daddy game precise" West was set to direct.... Well, we all know what a fail whale that was, no need to re-hash to ugly details...


And then, OH WOE IS ME, that man took a tumble more epic than the time that hefty young lady commited treason against that poor helpless piece of furniture!! refresher

It was bad news for that kid from Ontario. I meant Toronto^_^ Not only did he hit the ground stumbling in front of thousands, but he hurt himself so bad that he couldn't even 2 step on stage with his goon to a goblin running mate on tour. Come to find out, you're supposed to give an injury that serious more than 2 weeks notice. HUH.. Who knew?? I took this shit hard though. Fallen Idol syndrome or whatever the fuck... Alls I know is, he's killin me wit these mishaps.. Because I'm not done. On the ground look down......

......

......




Clearly this is joke {<==That was me trying to convince myself as well as you, the reader}. I.... I really don't even know what to say.... There are so many things that are un-right about this picture I don't know where to start... But now I see what everybody is talkin about. Drake is NOT good-looking. He's talented as hell. But he looks like Frankenstein's illegetimate half-Jewish child. And he seems to be surrounded by other creatures like himself. Not a good lookin dude at the table...

I plan on ending this session of my latest hour of therapy with more lamenting.... Why is it that Drake, who can do no wrong in the hip-hop community, keeps fuckin up in the media. Wack ass videos, terrible stage performances, his face.... Why won't he pull it together?!?!?! I love him with all that my nigga essence has to offer, but he's hurting me with all this coonery. I want you to be great Aubrey Graham!! You have to want it to, or this shit will never work. Maybe you should go back to mixtapes for a while. At least until after your surgery. You could rap about all your latest mishaps... So Far, No Good anyone??

... Now come here lemme dope you....

So, after months of turmoil, rumors and accusations, court dates, forehead jokes and all things jungle-bunny related, we received an "I'm sooooorrrryy" from Chris Brown.




And I was scarred because although I continuously support Graffiti Breezy, even after his pyschotic episode x10, I know that most people don't. And that fake ass "Lemme make some shit up to get these niggas off my back, but grab me some of my previous spot-light" apology didn't do much of anything to help.


Every blogger and news show and your irrelevant ass aunt who think she know everything about the goings on in Holly-Hood had something to say about that Orange Glow, cowl neck, cashmere masterpiece that C.B. used to hypnotize the masses. Oh yeah and the innanet was abuzz with whatever the fuck he was tom'bout in the video too...


So cut to a couple weeks later. He's being seen out and about more than ever now, hanging out with The Stoop Kids{or whatever the fuck yall call em} playing basketball with the Lady Rutgers.{Word??} Apparently saying you're sorry is the key to getting yourself out of the corner without a definite answer as to whether or not you're actually off punishment.

And then earlier this week the masses found out that Chris Brown's sentencing has been pushed back until August 27, and also that Rihanna has "allegedly" requested that the protection order keeping her and Breezy at least 50 feet apart be removed. WHAAAAA??? And along with that news came much speculation that Chris Brown and Rihanna have secretly been cup-caking and boo-loving. It makes sense now. They're back together. But HOW? WHY? Chris Brown supposedly Mayweathered the DOG-SHIT out of Ri Ri, so why in the name of Tina Turner's wig would they be back together?? I couldn't figure it out... UNTIL I saw this pic.. Then it all fell into place.




{Insert school-girl like giggling here}
It ALL makes sense now. What a Girl Like Ri saw in the crump-dancing, long-limbed, young man. ALL his limbs are long {hehehe}. Every question I had about these star-crossed lovers from the start of their relationship was answered with one view of this picture. Why they were even together in the first place. Why he was allowed to live after he put hands on her. The rumors and whispers that she had quite a temper when it came to all things C.B. related.... She was DICK-MATIZED. Clearly Chris Brown was diggin in the kitty just right and she couldn't handle it when she thought someone else might have been gettin a taste of her favorite dish. {<== The start of that series of unfortunate events} and now that he's back to being semi-relevant again she can't handle the withdrawls she's going through, which has her scatter-brained ass breakin laws and making bad decisions in the name of love... Personally, I've never had some man meat strong enough to make me let a nigga spend the night, much less keep him around after he done two-pieced my ass. But then again I've never been two-pieced so its a moot point really.


I'm not really sure what the future has in store for these two damn fools{in love} but I do know that Chris Brown needs to leave that island juice box alone before the spirit of Calypso rains down on his ass. His career is already one more bad move away from being rendered useless and getting back with the easy, breezy, Barbadose Cover Girl seems like that last bad move. And I just really want Rihanna to sink her life-destroying claws into someone not as talented and revered {is Pleasure P single?? How bout Jeremih?}. But then again the black-widow-esque vibe she's giving off might scare away the toughest of celebrities. I heard 50 Cent won't even go near her. Sheeesh... Let us pray.