#signedtoyoungmoney

^^^That, my dear friends is a hash tag. Those of us who are Twitter savvy know that that hashtag plus those words = a Trending Topic. Bear with me, while I break it down for these Twitter-less losers. That TT {keep up} came about earlier this week after news that Bow Wow, or Niatia Kirkland if you wanna get all technical and shit, was signed to Young Money/Cash Money, drug money, bail money, diaper money, the list goes the fuck on forever...

Good God, that news hit Twitter faster than your local dope boy hits the corner when the 1st of the month makes its debut{Re-up game proper}. You couldn't escape that shit... And it broke my heart. JungMulah is already full to the brim with irrelevant ass rappers. {What the fuck is a Mack Maine?!?!} But at least they're talented. Nicki Minaj has a great mixtape out that everybody should go cop {Cuz an album is not going to happen, no matter how mixed you are Onika Maraj} Being irrelevant AND untalented is a crime against humanity for which all offenders should be stoned. {Thats half of the music industry gone right there..} So for BOW WOW {Yeah,this nigga} to be signed to YM with no actual talent to speak of and his last hit being Marco Polo -_- its hard to understand why Sweet merciful Jesus would allow such a move. Heavy in these Twitter streets, Bow Weezy let us know that he's been affiliated with Ass Cash and Gas Money for years now and that his move was bound to happen. And maybe we should be celebrating because he actually has a dick-dealer mentor again. Or maybe we should be sad because he's about to start making music again. He's already 2 steps ahead of his game already and has made a new song on his Macbook about a certain "Smile With Your Eyes" Model/"Actress"/Talk show host {Not Wendy, that other tall, wig-wearin heffa}
{Peep his stee-lo} <=== Exhibit A! This is how I know his career is on a treadmill, goin nowhere fast. He dedicates a song to Tyra "Lightbulb-head game proper" Banks... Clearly he has no standards. Cash money instead of Young Money??? Tyra Banks?? That mis-guided youth is on a slippery slope and him joining YM won't nothing but a shove downhill...

And speakin of shoving stuff, Chris Stokes most succesful unwilling concubine, Omarion was recently "released" from his contract at YM. I have a couple of concerns about this latest piece of who the fuck cares:

1. Raise your hand if you knew this nigga was signed to Young Money in the first place... Yeah, I thought so. Last we heard he was still singing about how them B2K boys had broke-de-ded his heart and he would never be able to love anyone else{Ice Box game precise}. And that Face Off shit he did with Bow Wow don't count. That CD prolly didn't even sell enough to go Plastic.
   
2. It was just announced A WEEK ago that O was even affiliated with YM, and he asked to be released got pushed gets dropped that fast?? Its virtually IMPOSSIBLE to be released from a binding contract that fast. Its niggas still tryna get released from some life-sentence style contract {Every artist that signed to Bad Boy in the 90's and up until now, how you dewwin??} That sound like some messy shit to me...
   
3. Word on the block is that the cause for his removal was that he was caught leaking an upcoming song. I call BULLSHIT. Thats not even a lead in to something else, I just call BULLSHIT. What a terrible fuckin excuse.
   
4. How kan I fall or get dropped when lam "gravity"...and jah is by my side being tha force that's driving and parachuting my arriving plateau 6:59 AM Aug 20th from UberTwitter Blatant misspelling is one of my many pet peeves. But anyhoo, I just want to direct your attention to the portion of the Twitter update when he refers to himself as "gravity" BOY STOP! This was his first response to what must have been a high demand for answers. THIS was his first response. Of all the things he could have said to smooth the situation over, he turned off his spell-check and turns on his "They gon quote this shit" swagg. Nigga please. The attempt at being profound is a fail that shakes me to my core. GTFOH Omarion, please. If you're prone to saying shit like this all the time then I see why they drop-kicked your ass out the club-house...

I don't know what the fuck is goin on over on that side of town but Hey Mr. Carter you and your associates need to get that shit tight. You droppin these niggas like hot potatos, and pickin the rotton apples and tryna sell em to us is not going to work. Wayne at this point in your life/career you need to be making smarter decisions. What with your incoming litter, you need to be hangin with muh'fuckas that might be willing to change a few diapers and warm up that similac when its feeding time. Omarion seems like the kind of girl who'd be willing to play Super Nanny. Bow Wow is a dramatic cunt with a short temper{pun intended}. You might as well leave your kids with Kanye West. I hope YM actually makes something of all this new-found lime-light. If they fade back into obscurity in a couple weeks Imma be mad that I even wasted a post on this shit....

these niggas look like a bunch of orpahns searching for a home.

Poor Lil Tink Tink Chapter II: Take over, your break's over....

Did you guys get the Fallout Boy reference?? If so then you can obviously you can see where I'm going with this..


Please excuse the distraught tone you hear in this entry yall, I still haven't completely recovered from the series of unfortunate events known as Wheel Chair Drizzy's summer 09, which is why I didn't do a post about his biggest fail whale until now :(

I come here to cope with the happenings, both good and bad, that my favorite celebrities go through. This is my pop culture therapy so to speak, so here I find myself again, typing my sadness away while consuming my 3rd pack of ho-ho's {Downright shameful}


Now go back with me, to earlier this summer when Drake performed at the.... B.E .. That award show. As you recall, he performed on a stool{??} and no one could figure out why?? We thought he might have been getting ahead of himself as an artist. The buzz was going to his head. Was he too cool to shuck and jive like his counter-part, Weezy "Sperm game proper" F. Baby?? Nah, that couldn't be it. After the Hoodrat Happenings that occured on June 28 it was revealed that Knee break Drake had torn his ACL and could barely walk. Ahhhh okay, that explained everything. {Except that constant Droopey Dog expression on his face} So we fell back and awaited his return. It came to light that his first official video for "Best I Ever Had" was soon to see the airwaves and we couldn't wait! Especially after we heard that Kanye "Sugar Daddy game precise" West was set to direct.... Well, we all know what a fail whale that was, no need to re-hash to ugly details...


And then, OH WOE IS ME, that man took a tumble more epic than the time that hefty young lady commited treason against that poor helpless piece of furniture!! refresher

It was bad news for that kid from Ontario. I meant Toronto^_^ Not only did he hit the ground stumbling in front of thousands, but he hurt himself so bad that he couldn't even 2 step on stage with his goon to a goblin running mate on tour. Come to find out, you're supposed to give an injury that serious more than 2 weeks notice. HUH.. Who knew?? I took this shit hard though. Fallen Idol syndrome or whatever the fuck... Alls I know is, he's killin me wit these mishaps.. Because I'm not done. On the ground look down......

......

......




Clearly this is joke {<==That was me trying to convince myself as well as you, the reader}. I.... I really don't even know what to say.... There are so many things that are un-right about this picture I don't know where to start... But now I see what everybody is talkin about. Drake is NOT good-looking. He's talented as hell. But he looks like Frankenstein's illegetimate half-Jewish child. And he seems to be surrounded by other creatures like himself. Not a good lookin dude at the table...

I plan on ending this session of my latest hour of therapy with more lamenting.... Why is it that Drake, who can do no wrong in the hip-hop community, keeps fuckin up in the media. Wack ass videos, terrible stage performances, his face.... Why won't he pull it together?!?!?! I love him with all that my nigga essence has to offer, but he's hurting me with all this coonery. I want you to be great Aubrey Graham!! You have to want it to, or this shit will never work. Maybe you should go back to mixtapes for a while. At least until after your surgery. You could rap about all your latest mishaps... So Far, No Good anyone??

... Now come here lemme dope you....

So, after months of turmoil, rumors and accusations, court dates, forehead jokes and all things jungle-bunny related, we received an "I'm sooooorrrryy" from Chris Brown.




And I was scarred because although I continuously support Graffiti Breezy, even after his pyschotic episode x10, I know that most people don't. And that fake ass "Lemme make some shit up to get these niggas off my back, but grab me some of my previous spot-light" apology didn't do much of anything to help.


Every blogger and news show and your irrelevant ass aunt who think she know everything about the goings on in Holly-Hood had something to say about that Orange Glow, cowl neck, cashmere masterpiece that C.B. used to hypnotize the masses. Oh yeah and the innanet was abuzz with whatever the fuck he was tom'bout in the video too...


So cut to a couple weeks later. He's being seen out and about more than ever now, hanging out with The Stoop Kids{or whatever the fuck yall call em} playing basketball with the Lady Rutgers.{Word??} Apparently saying you're sorry is the key to getting yourself out of the corner without a definite answer as to whether or not you're actually off punishment.

And then earlier this week the masses found out that Chris Brown's sentencing has been pushed back until August 27, and also that Rihanna has "allegedly" requested that the protection order keeping her and Breezy at least 50 feet apart be removed. WHAAAAA??? And along with that news came much speculation that Chris Brown and Rihanna have secretly been cup-caking and boo-loving. It makes sense now. They're back together. But HOW? WHY? Chris Brown supposedly Mayweathered the DOG-SHIT out of Ri Ri, so why in the name of Tina Turner's wig would they be back together?? I couldn't figure it out... UNTIL I saw this pic.. Then it all fell into place.




{Insert school-girl like giggling here}
It ALL makes sense now. What a Girl Like Ri saw in the crump-dancing, long-limbed, young man. ALL his limbs are long {hehehe}. Every question I had about these star-crossed lovers from the start of their relationship was answered with one view of this picture. Why they were even together in the first place. Why he was allowed to live after he put hands on her. The rumors and whispers that she had quite a temper when it came to all things C.B. related.... She was DICK-MATIZED. Clearly Chris Brown was diggin in the kitty just right and she couldn't handle it when she thought someone else might have been gettin a taste of her favorite dish. {<== The start of that series of unfortunate events} and now that he's back to being semi-relevant again she can't handle the withdrawls she's going through, which has her scatter-brained ass breakin laws and making bad decisions in the name of love... Personally, I've never had some man meat strong enough to make me let a nigga spend the night, much less keep him around after he done two-pieced my ass. But then again I've never been two-pieced so its a moot point really.


I'm not really sure what the future has in store for these two damn fools{in love} but I do know that Chris Brown needs to leave that island juice box alone before the spirit of Calypso rains down on his ass. His career is already one more bad move away from being rendered useless and getting back with the easy, breezy, Barbadose Cover Girl seems like that last bad move. And I just really want Rihanna to sink her life-destroying claws into someone not as talented and revered {is Pleasure P single?? How bout Jeremih?}. But then again the black-widow-esque vibe she's giving off might scare away the toughest of celebrities. I heard 50 Cent won't even go near her. Sheeesh... Let us pray.

What we have here is a failure to communicate...

{...I will not hate. I must not throw salt. Negative comments are inappropriate...}

^^^ Thats my favorite Beyonce Photo to date.

Since the dawn of time Destiny's Child, Beyonce has filled your home, heart, and life with her powerful Creole essence. She's been giving you haters, stans, and cunty bitches fever in the morning and fever all through the night since 1990 and there's no man-like Swagger Jacker{*side-eye* @ "Super" C}, Barbadian, or rhymes-with-Hilton force strong enough to stop her. She's just a bad bitch. Yep, I said it.{But don't tell my momma, she's a certified Beyonce-hater and I don't wanna be kicked out, I still got 4 more years of college left to be paid for}. I'm a wonderful mixture of lover and hater when it comes to all things Knowles. Not quite a stan, but not an anti-stan either. I found it in my heart to let Sasha Fierce be great; no schizophrenic jokes from me. But watching cunt after cunt and fat bitch after fat bitch re-vamp the dance moves from"All My Single Let Us", hearing "Halo" on the radio approx. 85 million times in a row, seeing her recycle the same idea for every video she's released from I Am... Such A Mess, and having Lil Creole Pimp ignore my "Do you like me check yes or no" notes{I spent much time on them notes, I even wrote em in Tickle Me Pink, my favorite crayola color} had me ready to spit in somebody's damn gumbo... Taking all these things into account I had to ask myself, is it possible to be a fairweather Queen Bee fan??

You Beyonce stans be havin me at 99.9 degrees fahrenheit{FEVER} when yall get to showin love. Its a life-style to you all. And I understand, but do you all need to break laws and partake in questionable activities for the love of all things Bey?? I know someone who gave a blow-job behind a dumpster at a Popeye's for a burned copy of I Am... Such A Mess. I was shocked, awed, disgusted and impressed when I learned this, but needless to say that person and I are no longer friends... I don't aassociate with too many true to life Beyonce stans because 1) I can't fight and if you fuckin with a real stan and you don't own anything Dereon related or don't get the urge to do the Muddy Water Jig when "Get Me Bodied" comes on you are liable to get cut and 2) People who listen to Beyonce but can't understand the other-worldly genius that is Erykah Badu put me in a bad way.... iCan't. Beyasha stans be on their Kanye swag when they turn it on, you can't tell them NOTHING. They don't care that Ri-vamper Rihana is still relevant because she's re-released Good Girl Gone Stale fifty-leven times, or that she has a couple of endorsements here and there, Bey does it better. Queen Creole is the only celebrity you know that could endorse Pepsi and Coke at the same time and they both'll be okay with it. And how many times did B'Day come out?? And lawd, if you value your life and your lace-front, you better not dare to utter Keris Hilton's name in the presence of a Beyonce-lobbyist or its death by firing squad for that ass... Ciara?? Yeah okay, be prepared to get laughed at and mocked mercilessly for even trying that... To put it simply there's nothing more powerful or scarier than a Queen Bey stan. Except maybe......

All those opposed to Beyonce-related propoganda and paraphernalia speak now or forever hold your piece.... NOW WAIT A MINUTE BITCHES!!! ALL YOU MUH'FUCKAS CAN'T SPEAK AT ONCE!!! LOL... Yall wanna know a secret?? I secretly stan for anti-stans. Even when they get all "sick and filthy" {is that how the craw-fish consumers say it??} and band together with their fellow haters and make it hurricane on other people's parades. I almost got stabbed with a rusty screw-driver by an anti-Bey pro Ri-Ri stan for callin the good girl gone stale "Pon De Forehead" on twitter... I almost followed him, but I didn't want him following me in real life cuz I like to down-talk Rihana...

Anti-stans make my world go round, cuz I'm an avid supporter of the under-dog. And who you know that gets shitted on more than them muh'fuckas who choose not to think of themselves as the female version of a hustler or the nigga that didn't think it was cute for Bey Bey to be singin bout his ego?? Nobody. People who hate Rihana are considered reasonable, that island cunt is seen as sketchy cuz they lookin to nab a green card. Hating on Keris Hilton has become America's favorite past-time. Even the White folks who couldn't care less about the goings-on of black shuckers and jivers seem to dislike Keri's diluted looks{Is she mixed with white, black, and Monchichi or what??} And Ciara is still so damn false and irrelevant that she hates herself and doesn't seem to care who knows.{How else would you describe that disgruntled hair-piece on top of her manly dome?}. But to hate Be-yaki is hateful. Its irrational, its irresponsible, inconceiveable, and irreplaceable. I'm sorry, it had to be done but now I've gone and digressed. You Bey stans are lower than low, and ruthless against your arch-nemisis, those who willingly choose to forsake your master pusher queen, and disrespect all things S. Fierce. Some of you even go so far as to treat Soledad with undeserved disdain{she's Creole too!!} in favor of Bey, so I know yall don't mind shittin on a muh'fucka who talkin down on the wind beneath your strap-on multi-colored House of Dereon wings. Those of you who aren't impressed with dirty French folks who like fried chicken and gumbo, and do NOT wish to be a back-up dancer in Single Ladies pt. IV get disrespected on a daily basis. I've seen a Bey stan break a bitch down so bad she almost killed herself with a stilleto to the face and all of Bey's scenes in Dream Girls on repeat. It was a sad thing to see. Anti-Bey folks who are out of the closet are hated with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns... Bey is all to the good, how could you hate her?!?!?

It never made sense to me why people hate/love the girl so much, she's only one human. But I've never really understood the idea-ology behind a stan or anti-stan anyway. Get a life, I say. Ah! There's the rub, to both sides Beyonce is their life. So why can't they have that mutual respect for one another? I'm not sure, and I really don't care. I have no more time for matters of the Creole, I have Baduizm Live on pause and I can't put off my jam session any longer. Lace-front and Prosper....

Poor Lil Tink Tink...

http://globalgrind.com/content/792070/Drake-quotBest-I-Ever-Hadquot/

**Please note that the above video is just collateral damage from whats sure to be a 20 car pile-up of a fail formerly known as Drake Drizzy Rodger's career.

Okay, so maybe thats a bit to harsh but I gotta say, yall boy Aubrey been fuckin up as of late. Okay so again, that might be a step to far. What I think it really could be is that it's one too many fuck ups within the span of such a short time. I mean he just bombed his debut performance at the Hoodrat Awards that aired on Sunday, and here we are on Thursday, reveling in an abundance of T & more T with the release of Drake's video for "Best I Ever Had".



Now I can openly admit to being a HUGE Drake stan, because he's still a talented artist despite his past couple of "Playas fuck up too" moments. But his most recent decisons have made me sit back and wonder what the fuck he was thinkin about...

But he isn't to be burdened with ALL the fault, yall know a nigga like Drake rolls deep and it aint no fun if the homies can't have none, or untill the homies fuck up what you got til its gone.... Lets asses some of the damage shall we??

For his first "official" video, Drake decided to give Kanye the reigns and enjoy being in the spot-light for once, and while you might think this a wonderful opportunity that is sure to be a cornicopia of creativity, high-fashion, and Amber Rose, you would be wrong to think so... There was hardly no creativity to speak of {think Degrassi: Bigger, Blacker, and Uncut}, Drake and his video hoochies looked regular as hell, and I didn't see Amber's T or A not one damn time!!!! Kanye didn't do shit for us but serve up a big ass plate full of Titty Salad!! The video didn't have a damn thing to do with the song, and wit all them sweater puppets dancin around I almost forget what song the video was for. I feel bad because I used to like the song before all the major radio stations got a hold of it, and I was really excited about the video, and to finally see that soft-core, fetish tom-foolery Ye tried to sell us is dis-heartning because I already know BET aint gon go nowhere near that shit. They know they're on their last leg with the public right now, but I'm pretty sure MTV will find a place for the video in their late night/early morning rotation.

I recently theorized that all of Drake's fans should chip in and get the boy some Zoloft because he is clearly down in the dumpy-dumps and he's taking it out on his career, and thats not how its supposed to end. So all of you out there who, like me, still keep So Far Gone in heavy daily rotation and know that he has so much more to offer us, lets just hold hands and sing an inspirational song with the hope that Drizzy hears our pleas and gets his shit together for the sake of humanity!!!

"THE SUN'LL COME OUT, TOMORROW. BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROOOOOOOOOWWWW...."

Cut em some slack will ya??

I swear, yall black folks act like BET the ones that promised yall the 40 acres and a mule....

Of course, I'm talking about yall's high expectations, BET's low-standard deliverance, and nigga's subsequent disappointment with The 2009 BET Awards...

I, myself, spent the whole night trashing and smashing those who should have known better and glorifying those that were praise-worthy via Twitter and Facebook, so I was there with yall and I experienced the highs and lows of the Hoodrat Grammy's as well. Now my first reaction was filled with resounding chagrin and distress because of course I felt, just as everyone else did, that the show should have been more about The King of Pop Michael Jackson. But I let things marinate for a while, I read the absolutely hate-filled things that others had to say, and thought about how I really felt in regards to the BET Awards and I came up with some responses that Imma give to yall in a couple different parts....

Part 1: Historically Speaking....
Lets put aside our tear-stained Bedazzled white gloves and tight leather pants for a minute, forget that MJ left us and just concnetrate on the main issue at hand. The BET Awards has NEVER been great from beginning to end. Since its conception, each year the ratio of good moments to bad moments has ebbed and swelled depending on a number of different things from the actor/comedian/performer BET would get to host, to the people they had lined up to perform. Every year there are things we like about it and things we don't, and it goes without saying that this year was no different.

Part 2: Time Management
Yall know Michael died on a Thursday right?? Thursday evening is when we found out, to be exact. So that left Friday & Saturday for BET to pull an epic tribute out of there asses for The King of Pop and yall expected it to be mind-blowing?!?!? Lets look at this logically; first and foremost, when have yall EVER heard of black folks being productive on a Friday?!?!? Not never, thats when, so don't yall start trippin now. They prolly made hella phone calls on Saturday morning tryna orchestrate something decent for yall, but of course nothing is ever good enough for the likes of us.

Part 3: Who yall supposed to be, the queen of England or something?!?
Now I know they coulda done better than 3 songs and a bunch of niggas runnin around with 1 glove and some high-waters on, but all this outta line shit yall were expecting was ridiculous!!! "... I heard Chris Brown and Ciara was gon dance together." "... Beyonce gon sing some songs" "... I heard Usher gon be there" GTFOH!!! They had 2 days to pull together what they did.. 2 DAYS!! Yall lucky they got Bobby Brown's crazy ass and the rest of New Edition off the streets long enough to perform, but NOOOOOO yall want BET to COMPLETELY re-arrange a show they been workin on since LAST YEAR in a matter of 48 hours... Chris Brown is a felon now, so he can't go to far without the legal system jockin his every move. And yall know Usher is divorcing his man-wife Tameka Foster, but they just supposed to drop all that shit and break their backs for some last minute shit that yall niggas was prolly gon spit at no matter what?!? Yall so trifling....

Part 3: Its called optimism people...
Nobody ever stopped to think that maybe BET'nem was gon give yall a little taste of something at the Awards show and put together a nice little special when they get some more time?? They might get the rest of the Jacksons together and do something big later on but yall not even gon try to give BET the chance to be great and I'm hurt... They know better than we do that MJ is a superstar who deserves huge things and I'm sure that they're hurting just as bad as we are that they couldn't do more for MJ within the alloted time, but for some reason I have hope that they're planning big things for our Tragic Mulatto poster-boy and I need yall to have faith too..

... Now yall can call me a hypocrite if you want cuz I know I hated on they asses just as much, if not more, than almost everybody else, but I got to feelin bad cuz I looked at things differently. Nobody from BET, not an executive or a secretary or that nigga from the mail-room, came on tv and promised us anything in the way of a spectacular tribute to MJ, but thats what we came to expect, and it was unfair. Thats like going to a family reunion and expecting your 90 year old great aunt Pearl to still be makin her famous apple pies.

And let me tell yall something else, right here and now, if MTV comes with a wonderful tribute performance to MJ, then take it for what it is. Don't yall get to comparing what BET did to what MTV will do in the future cuz them muthafuckas got months to prepare what they're gonna do, where as BET had days. I feel a big ass plate of Benedict Auja comin soon, a.k.a me turnin my back on black people, and not for the hate that yall was servin BET, but for the ass-kissin that yall gon hand out to MTV when their time for homage comes around. My heart is heavy and my head hangs in shame...