... Now come here lemme dope you....

So, after months of turmoil, rumors and accusations, court dates, forehead jokes and all things jungle-bunny related, we received an "I'm sooooorrrryy" from Chris Brown.




And I was scarred because although I continuously support Graffiti Breezy, even after his pyschotic episode x10, I know that most people don't. And that fake ass "Lemme make some shit up to get these niggas off my back, but grab me some of my previous spot-light" apology didn't do much of anything to help.


Every blogger and news show and your irrelevant ass aunt who think she know everything about the goings on in Holly-Hood had something to say about that Orange Glow, cowl neck, cashmere masterpiece that C.B. used to hypnotize the masses. Oh yeah and the innanet was abuzz with whatever the fuck he was tom'bout in the video too...


So cut to a couple weeks later. He's being seen out and about more than ever now, hanging out with The Stoop Kids{or whatever the fuck yall call em} playing basketball with the Lady Rutgers.{Word??} Apparently saying you're sorry is the key to getting yourself out of the corner without a definite answer as to whether or not you're actually off punishment.

And then earlier this week the masses found out that Chris Brown's sentencing has been pushed back until August 27, and also that Rihanna has "allegedly" requested that the protection order keeping her and Breezy at least 50 feet apart be removed. WHAAAAA??? And along with that news came much speculation that Chris Brown and Rihanna have secretly been cup-caking and boo-loving. It makes sense now. They're back together. But HOW? WHY? Chris Brown supposedly Mayweathered the DOG-SHIT out of Ri Ri, so why in the name of Tina Turner's wig would they be back together?? I couldn't figure it out... UNTIL I saw this pic.. Then it all fell into place.




{Insert school-girl like giggling here}
It ALL makes sense now. What a Girl Like Ri saw in the crump-dancing, long-limbed, young man. ALL his limbs are long {hehehe}. Every question I had about these star-crossed lovers from the start of their relationship was answered with one view of this picture. Why they were even together in the first place. Why he was allowed to live after he put hands on her. The rumors and whispers that she had quite a temper when it came to all things C.B. related.... She was DICK-MATIZED. Clearly Chris Brown was diggin in the kitty just right and she couldn't handle it when she thought someone else might have been gettin a taste of her favorite dish. {<== The start of that series of unfortunate events} and now that he's back to being semi-relevant again she can't handle the withdrawls she's going through, which has her scatter-brained ass breakin laws and making bad decisions in the name of love... Personally, I've never had some man meat strong enough to make me let a nigga spend the night, much less keep him around after he done two-pieced my ass. But then again I've never been two-pieced so its a moot point really.


I'm not really sure what the future has in store for these two damn fools{in love} but I do know that Chris Brown needs to leave that island juice box alone before the spirit of Calypso rains down on his ass. His career is already one more bad move away from being rendered useless and getting back with the easy, breezy, Barbadose Cover Girl seems like that last bad move. And I just really want Rihanna to sink her life-destroying claws into someone not as talented and revered {is Pleasure P single?? How bout Jeremih?}. But then again the black-widow-esque vibe she's giving off might scare away the toughest of celebrities. I heard 50 Cent won't even go near her. Sheeesh... Let us pray.

What we have here is a failure to communicate...

{...I will not hate. I must not throw salt. Negative comments are inappropriate...}

^^^ Thats my favorite Beyonce Photo to date.

Since the dawn of time Destiny's Child, Beyonce has filled your home, heart, and life with her powerful Creole essence. She's been giving you haters, stans, and cunty bitches fever in the morning and fever all through the night since 1990 and there's no man-like Swagger Jacker{*side-eye* @ "Super" C}, Barbadian, or rhymes-with-Hilton force strong enough to stop her. She's just a bad bitch. Yep, I said it.{But don't tell my momma, she's a certified Beyonce-hater and I don't wanna be kicked out, I still got 4 more years of college left to be paid for}. I'm a wonderful mixture of lover and hater when it comes to all things Knowles. Not quite a stan, but not an anti-stan either. I found it in my heart to let Sasha Fierce be great; no schizophrenic jokes from me. But watching cunt after cunt and fat bitch after fat bitch re-vamp the dance moves from"All My Single Let Us", hearing "Halo" on the radio approx. 85 million times in a row, seeing her recycle the same idea for every video she's released from I Am... Such A Mess, and having Lil Creole Pimp ignore my "Do you like me check yes or no" notes{I spent much time on them notes, I even wrote em in Tickle Me Pink, my favorite crayola color} had me ready to spit in somebody's damn gumbo... Taking all these things into account I had to ask myself, is it possible to be a fairweather Queen Bee fan??

You Beyonce stans be havin me at 99.9 degrees fahrenheit{FEVER} when yall get to showin love. Its a life-style to you all. And I understand, but do you all need to break laws and partake in questionable activities for the love of all things Bey?? I know someone who gave a blow-job behind a dumpster at a Popeye's for a burned copy of I Am... Such A Mess. I was shocked, awed, disgusted and impressed when I learned this, but needless to say that person and I are no longer friends... I don't aassociate with too many true to life Beyonce stans because 1) I can't fight and if you fuckin with a real stan and you don't own anything Dereon related or don't get the urge to do the Muddy Water Jig when "Get Me Bodied" comes on you are liable to get cut and 2) People who listen to Beyonce but can't understand the other-worldly genius that is Erykah Badu put me in a bad way.... iCan't. Beyasha stans be on their Kanye swag when they turn it on, you can't tell them NOTHING. They don't care that Ri-vamper Rihana is still relevant because she's re-released Good Girl Gone Stale fifty-leven times, or that she has a couple of endorsements here and there, Bey does it better. Queen Creole is the only celebrity you know that could endorse Pepsi and Coke at the same time and they both'll be okay with it. And how many times did B'Day come out?? And lawd, if you value your life and your lace-front, you better not dare to utter Keris Hilton's name in the presence of a Beyonce-lobbyist or its death by firing squad for that ass... Ciara?? Yeah okay, be prepared to get laughed at and mocked mercilessly for even trying that... To put it simply there's nothing more powerful or scarier than a Queen Bey stan. Except maybe......

All those opposed to Beyonce-related propoganda and paraphernalia speak now or forever hold your piece.... NOW WAIT A MINUTE BITCHES!!! ALL YOU MUH'FUCKAS CAN'T SPEAK AT ONCE!!! LOL... Yall wanna know a secret?? I secretly stan for anti-stans. Even when they get all "sick and filthy" {is that how the craw-fish consumers say it??} and band together with their fellow haters and make it hurricane on other people's parades. I almost got stabbed with a rusty screw-driver by an anti-Bey pro Ri-Ri stan for callin the good girl gone stale "Pon De Forehead" on twitter... I almost followed him, but I didn't want him following me in real life cuz I like to down-talk Rihana...

Anti-stans make my world go round, cuz I'm an avid supporter of the under-dog. And who you know that gets shitted on more than them muh'fuckas who choose not to think of themselves as the female version of a hustler or the nigga that didn't think it was cute for Bey Bey to be singin bout his ego?? Nobody. People who hate Rihana are considered reasonable, that island cunt is seen as sketchy cuz they lookin to nab a green card. Hating on Keris Hilton has become America's favorite past-time. Even the White folks who couldn't care less about the goings-on of black shuckers and jivers seem to dislike Keri's diluted looks{Is she mixed with white, black, and Monchichi or what??} And Ciara is still so damn false and irrelevant that she hates herself and doesn't seem to care who knows.{How else would you describe that disgruntled hair-piece on top of her manly dome?}. But to hate Be-yaki is hateful. Its irrational, its irresponsible, inconceiveable, and irreplaceable. I'm sorry, it had to be done but now I've gone and digressed. You Bey stans are lower than low, and ruthless against your arch-nemisis, those who willingly choose to forsake your master pusher queen, and disrespect all things S. Fierce. Some of you even go so far as to treat Soledad with undeserved disdain{she's Creole too!!} in favor of Bey, so I know yall don't mind shittin on a muh'fucka who talkin down on the wind beneath your strap-on multi-colored House of Dereon wings. Those of you who aren't impressed with dirty French folks who like fried chicken and gumbo, and do NOT wish to be a back-up dancer in Single Ladies pt. IV get disrespected on a daily basis. I've seen a Bey stan break a bitch down so bad she almost killed herself with a stilleto to the face and all of Bey's scenes in Dream Girls on repeat. It was a sad thing to see. Anti-Bey folks who are out of the closet are hated with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns... Bey is all to the good, how could you hate her?!?!?

It never made sense to me why people hate/love the girl so much, she's only one human. But I've never really understood the idea-ology behind a stan or anti-stan anyway. Get a life, I say. Ah! There's the rub, to both sides Beyonce is their life. So why can't they have that mutual respect for one another? I'm not sure, and I really don't care. I have no more time for matters of the Creole, I have Baduizm Live on pause and I can't put off my jam session any longer. Lace-front and Prosper....